Brethren, It’s Time to Talk About Our Waistlines: Freemasonry and Health

Brethren, let’s be honest with ourselves. We've all had that moment at the festive board when, after our fourth serving of steak and kidney pie, washed down with a few more glasses of wine than we'd care to admit, we lean back in our chairs and think, "I might have overdone it tonight." But then we carry on, because, well, *that’s what we do*. We’re Freemasons—we endure. But as my expanding waistline (and perhaps yours too) will tell you, we’ve got a bit of a problem on our hands.

Now, don't get me wrong—I’m as fond of a hearty meal as the next Brother. After all, Freemasonry isn’t just about the rituals and handshakes; it’s about fellowship, camaraderie, and - let's face it - those magnificent festive boards. The problem is that, somewhere between the three-course dinners, the toasts, and the cheese boards, we've started looking more like rotund pillars than the fit and healthy men we aspire to be.

The State of Our Health: Not Just in the West End

Take a look around the Lodge next time. I’ll bet you’ll notice that a few of us have, let’s say, "expanded" in recent years. Maybe the trousers are feeling a little snug, and the apron strings are under more pressure than a Junior Warden on his first night. We laugh it off with the odd joke about “broadening our horizons,” but deep down, we all know that carrying around this extra timber isn’t doing us any favours.

The truth is, Freemasonry isn’t just about building better men morally and spiritually; it’s also about looking after ourselves physically. And right now, if we're being brutally honest, a good number of us aren’t taking that third point as seriously as we should.

I know what you're thinking: "Brother, is this really the time for a lecture on health?" Trust me, I’m not one to wag a finger (unless it's the Tyler’s sword!), but when it comes to the dangers of too many rich meals and too little movement, we need to have a serious word.

The Consequences of Our Festive Feasts

The festive board is a wonderful tradition - a time to enjoy good food, good drink, and even better company. But let’s take a moment to reflect on what that plate of Yorkshire pudding and roast beef is doing to us.

According to every doctor I’ve ever reluctantly visited, excessive eating (particularly of the deliciously unhealthy variety) combined with a lack of exercise can lead to some pretty grim outcomes. I won’t bore you with the details, but it’s the usual suspects: heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and an ever-increasing risk of sudden collapse mid-toast.

Picture it: you’re standing at the head of the table, giving a rousing speech after the last bite of that glorious apple crumble, only to find your heart beating faster than the Junior Deacon chasing his ritual prompts. It’s funny now - but it’s no laughing matter when that post-dinner nap turns into a trip to A&E.

The Masonic Mystery of Missing Exercise

Let’s not beat around the bush, brethren—many of us are not getting enough exercise. And no, rising for the next toast doesn’t count as cardio! We spend so much time focusing on the internal aspects of self-improvement that we forget the external shell needs a bit of attention too.

I mean, when was the last time any of us ran up a flight of stairs without regretting it halfway? Or walked briskly past a bakery without suddenly losing the willpower to avoid another sausage roll? The truth is, if we want to stick around long enough to enjoy many more years of Lodge dinners, we need to start moving more. And no, learning to square our corners more efficiently in Lodge won’t do the trick.

The Festive Board of the Future: Healthier Options?

Now, I’m not suggesting we cancel the festive board (heaven forbid!) or replace the roast lamb with quinoa salad. But maybe—just maybe—we can find a middle ground. A few healthier options here and there, cutting down on the more indulgent courses, and perhaps a little moderation on the wine front wouldn’t go amiss.

In fact, think of it as a new Masonic virtue: Temperance, applied to our plates! We could lead by example, showing the world that Freemasons not only understand the balance of life’s spiritual and moral duties but also understand the importance of balancing calories. After all, what’s the point of perfecting our ritual if we’re too winded to stand up straight during the next raising?

Lifting More Than Pints

Of course, it’s not just about what we eat. Exercise - yes, that dreaded word—needs to be part of our daily routine. It doesn’t have to be extreme, mind you. I’m not asking anyone to run a marathon or start bench-pressing gavels. But a bit of walking, perhaps a swim, or even taking up something Masonic in spirit - stone masonry, anyone? The point is, we need to move more than just our forks.

Let’s face it, brethren - if we put half the energy into looking after our health that we do into learning ritual, we’d all be in tip-top shape. And don’t tell me we can’t make time. We all know how many hours we spend poring over lectures and tracing boards. A bit of time for the gym or a brisk walk around the block isn’t going to stop the Lodge from functioning.

A Toast to Our Future Health!

So, brethren, next time you sit down at the festive board, take a moment to think about your health. Enjoy the meal, but perhaps swap that second pudding for a piece of fruit. And before you leave Lodge, why not walk home (or at least part of the way)? In fact, let’s make a pact to look out for each other - not just in the Lodge, but in our health and wellbeing. After all, we want to see each other at many more festive boards to come!

In conclusion, a little less indulgence, a little more activity, and a touch more balance can do wonders. That way, we’ll not only be better Masons, but better husbands, fathers, and men. And the next time you see a fat Freemason, just remember - you’re looking at the Past Master of Pasties, and it’s time for a change.

So here’s to our health, brethren. May our aprons stay white, our rituals stay sharp, and our waistlines - well, let’s just say, let’s aim for something less "Grand" in size.

Bro. Waistline McSnug, Lodge of the Expanding Waistcoat No. 1837